When Forgiveness Feels Impossible: What Then?
When Forgiveness Feels Impossible: What Then?
Blog Article
Forgiveness is usually misunderstood as an act of condoning bad behavior or excusing harm. But at its core, true forgiveness is a decision to free oneself from the burden of judgment, resentment, and pain. It's not about changing yesteryear or controlling the behavior of others; it's about releasing our grip on a story that keeps us locked in suffering. When we hold onto grievances, we carry yesteryear into the present and distort our ability to see clearly. Forgiveness opens an entry to peace by allowing us to forget about the mental prison of anger and blame. It is not passive—it is just a powerful, conscious choice to heal. In this way, forgiveness becomes not something we do for others, but something we do for ourselves, so we may live unburdened by the weight of pain that no further serves us.
One of the greatest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it's for the benefit of the person who hurt us. In truth, forgiveness is entirely an internal process. It's almost no related to what someone else did or didn't do, and everything related to how exactly we choose to relate with the experience. Keeping resentment can feel like a form of protection, a means of keeping ourselves safe. But in fact, it's like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer. When we forgive, we reclaim our power. We say, “I will no longer allow this pain to define me.” We stop rehearsing the story and begin rewriting it from a host to wisdom and compassion. Often, the person we most have to forgive is ourselves—to be human, for unsure better, for reacting in fear. Forgiveness opens the area for that self-compassion to take root and grow.
Based on A Course in Miracles, “forgiveness is the main element to happiness.” Why? Because every moment of suffering stems from some type of judgment—against ourselves, another, or the world. Judgment is the ego's favorite tool to separate and attack, and where judgment exists, peace cannot remain. Forgiveness is the sole response that heals. It ends suffering not since it changes the external world, but since it changes our internal response to it. We stop arguing with reality and begin accepting what is. We move from resistance to surrender, from anger to understanding. This doesn't mean we stop working toward justice or change, but we achieve this from a host to clarity and peace, not from bitterness. Forgiveness softens the heart, clears your brain, and aligns us with the reality that love is our natural state—and once we go back to it, we suffer no more.
True forgiveness is not only emotional release—it is a shift in perception. It is seeing exactly the same situation with new eyes, often through the lens of Spirit or maybe more understanding. In this sense, forgiveness doesn't change the reality, but it completely changes what those facts mean. Where we once saw betrayal, we would view a cry for help. Where we once saw cruelty, we may come to identify unconscious fear. This doesn't make the behavior right, but it dissolves the mental story that somebody took something from us. The Course teaches that no-one can truly harm us—only the ego can interpret something as harm. Forgiveness helps us step out of the ego's victim mindset and in to the awareness that we are usually whole, safe, and loved. It is in this change of perception that miracles occur—sudden, healing shifts that appear to defy logic and restore peace to the heart.
Forgiveness is not at all times immediate—it often comes in layers. We would believe we've forgiven someone, simply to be triggered later and realize there is more healing to be done. That is normal and even necessary. Each layer reveals a deeper facet of the wound, often linked with childhood pain, unconscious beliefs, or ancestral patterns. Forgiveness requires honesty, patience, and the courage to face ourselves. We may have to revisit exactly the same memory more than once, but every time with only a little less fear and a bit more compassion. With every round of forgiveness, we peel away the illusions that separate us from love. We get nearer to the reality of who we're: not broken victims, but whole beings temporarily lost in a dream of separation. The podcast of our mind plays old stories over and over—until forgiveness presses pause, then reset, and finally eject.
We often speak about forgiving others, however the deepest work usually is based on forgiving ourselves. We're our personal harshest critics. We replay past mistakes, judge ourselves for feeling weak, and carry guilt for choices made in fear. But guilt is not really a virtue—it is a block to healing. The Course teaches that guilt is definitely an ego trap, designed to keep us stuck and unworthy of love. Self-forgiveness means we recognize our errors without identifying with them. We made mistakes, yes—but we're not our mistakes. We're learning. We're growing. We're healing. Forgiving ourselves doesn't mean excusing poor behavior; this means recognizing our pain, making amends if needed, and choosing again. In forgiving ourselves, we give others permission to do the same. We end the cycle of shame and step into a more honest, graceful means of being.
Forgiveness isn't a one-time event—it is a spiritual practice that we go back to again and again. It becomes part of how exactly we see the planet, speak to others, and relate with ourselves. Many people reserve time daily for forgiveness work, journaling about who or what they're ready to release. Others use prayer or meditation to invite Spirit in and shift their perception. However it looks, forgiveness is just a commitment to call home from the heart rather than the ego. It invites us to take radical responsibility for our peace, regardless of what's happening around us. And while it could feel difficult at times, forgiveness always leaves us lighter. With each act of true forgiveness, the grip of yesteryear loosens, and we walk only a little freer. As a practice, it reshapes our inner world—clearing space for joy, for compassion, and for miracles.
Ultimately, forgiveness is the means by which we awaken. The ego tells us we're separate from God, separate from others, and unforgivable in our flaws. But forgiveness undoes this lie. It gently removes the veil, allowing the reality of our divine nature to shine through. When we forgive, we don't just heal relationships—we remember who we are. We go back to the awareness that love is our origin and our destiny. For this reason the Course says that forgiveness is the forgiveness “way to salvation”—because it is the undoing of every false thought we've ever believed. In forgiving others, we see their innocence. In forgiving ourselves, we claim our own. Through forgiveness, we step out of time and into eternity. We stop replaying yesteryear and begin to call home in the eternal now, where nothing is missing, and everything is whole.